I'll think of a title later

I walked for 5 hours today, and I just saw a heron. Man I wish I was a bird, birds have it easy. People play by far too many rules for my taste. It’s been nice reading and sulking all day, I don’t think that’s how most teenagers spend their weekends though, and most people drive to Barnes and noble instead of walking there… I feel like there’s a reason for this melancholy feeling but I can’t quite find it which is frusterating, and so is not being able to spell melancholy without help. Yesterday was national best friends day, that kind of bummed me out because the only BEST friend I ever really had I ditched once he became less convienient for me. But I’m sure the internet’s not really interested in that information so maybe I should just swallow these sentimental feelings and go back to saying witty one liners and playing the fool of all the jokes and being slapped in the face because your friends think its funny. Haha you know what I’m sorry this is more for my benefit than yours dear unfortunate reader of this post. This is my rebellion against society, posting semi personal information that I won’t be able to get off the computer once I post it but at the same time not really giving a crap. It’s not a big rebellion I never said it was…. I was never much of a rebel… But I believe that I have the right to some dignity and I did not like being slapped in the face, or being ganged up on that brings back bad memories. Although maybe I deserve it, I am as previously mentioned a pretty terrible person. And so that’s a glimpse into my mind, a pendulum of blaming myself and then others and then back. So don’t take what I say seriously, even I don’t know what I’m saying. I can’t organize my feelings much less decipher them and I can tell that this whole writing is a jumbled up mess with no topic except my weird angsty problems and birds. God I wish I had one of those people everyone always talks about that they tell everything to. And who knows maybe I had one but I probably did something and they’re not here anymore. Haha don’t feel bad for me, this is much less pressure on everyone. I’m going to leave in a couple of years and silently grow apart from these friends and get new ones and then silently move on and on until I die…. Woohoo! I can’t wait…

Alright I’m going to try and post more, so heres my post for the day: I’m tired of sequels. I mean who isn’t? It’s not that most sequels are bad (but a lot of them are) it’s just that we’ve already seen these characters before, it’s just the same story with a slightly different antagonist, or sometimes the exact same antagonist! But please if you disagree that sequels are the spawn of Satan, please send me a message so we can discuss what your point is and also why your opinion is incorrect. Wow that got real.

Hey Tumblr, sorry I haven’t posted anything. I swear I get on you and browse it’s just I’ve been busy. And I sort of cheated on you with Twitter… sorry…. Anywho right now I am staying up late texting a very cute, very awesome girl. Not to brag or anything buuuuut I kind of have a date with her (obviously she must not know me too well because she agreed to go on a date with me). Still I’m really excited about it. I have never ever ever been on a date before, for obvious reasons, and this girl just rocks my sox, she’s the cats pajamas. And plus we’ve already held hands which makes me sort of a player i guess no big deal. Anyway I just feel like a new leaf is turning over today, a new chapter has been started in my life. This girl is a big part of that, but there also my friends (I think you all know the ones that I’m talking about), and there are also new friends. So it was nice just spewing my half conscious thoughts and feelings to the world we should do it again sometime soon. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a girl to text. 

My internet is slow tonight and the rainbow circle thing keeps coming up, you all know the one. I’m in a funk (which is a bad term for being in a depressed mood because funk is groovy), but this funk’s a little different. I mean I have wonderful friends, plenty of money, and a loving family, but I’ve always yearned for just a little more, who hasn’t? Anyway the real reason I’m down is because I’m going to die alone. It’s not that no one loves me, I know that they do, it’s just because I’ve had terrible luck with girls. I’ve never actually been in a relationship before and it’s something I want REALLY badly. And it’s not like I couldn’t go out with A girl, If I just asked a bunch of random girls out I’m sure one of them would say yes. But I’m picky. And the girl has to be just right. In fact most of the girls I’ve fallen for are my best friends now, because they’re so awesome. But I don’t think I can take another friendship like that right now. This girl (the latest, and before you think I’m a man whore by using that term you should know that there really haven’t been that many girls because they have to like me back for it to count…) and I talked we both like each other a little, but she doesn’t feel like she’s in a good position to date. I totally respect that, so I’m letting her go (or trying at least). But I’m the opposite, I don’t feel like I’m in the position to NOT date and it is driving me insane. It’s not the lack of making out that’s driving me crazy, it’s the fact that I am a hopeless romantic in a sea of guys looking for just another piece of meat and I can’t seem to find a girl that makes me happy that wants to be with me. This is all very conceited I admit, but I have nothing better to do, it makes me feel better, and I did warn you in the title. I mean why is it so hard?? I know girls won’t just go for attractive guys and us plain looking guys get a fair shot too so what is it? Be honest is it the scarves? Am I annoying? Does everyone think I’m gay? How hard is it to find a pretty girl who thinks I’m funny, who is smart and has dreams, who appreciates good food and can’t live a day without music? Who I can make up a secret handshake with, who I can cook with, who will laugh at me and with me, who I can write poetry to, and who doesn’t judge me for sometimes leafing through pottery barn catalogues to critique the interior design in the photos? (victorian is way over used) Well maybe it is. Not the victorian thing the fact that this girl is hard to come by. And if I don’t find her I guess that’s life, but I do know some good friends of mine who won’t let me grow old at the retirement home bingo table by myself, and I guess that’s all I can really ask for.